Safeword Shmafeword!

After hours of pre-release work on Groovy as Tits, Gem and I swung by the boarding school to pick up the twins, along with a pizza (plain old pepperoni and mushroom).  "You've got mail," Gem said to me, setting the girls down on the floor and pointing to a bulging envelope.  I didn't recognize the return address.  Opening it, I withdrew a statement on rather flamboyant letterhead.  What I read made me gasp, then sputter, swear, and fume.  In time-honored tradition for helping me relax, Gem offered me her thumb to suck.  Our girls looked on and smiled.

Page 1 of the statement reprinted in full below.

I have since cooled down.

As a firm believer in the proverb “There’s no such thing as bad publicity,” I bring you the following statement issued today by Hecuba Crumbly, President of BDSM Alliance for Responsible Fun (BARF).  

XzillaRation films are legendary for showcasing wanton sexual recklessness.  This has included unprotected intercourse, strangers who have just met engaging in sexual relations without discussing  boundaries, and portrayals of anal penetration wherein erect penises are withdrawn and quickly inserted into a vagina or mouth without being swabbed in alcohol.  If the litany of irresponsible depictions ceased here, it would be abysmal enough.

Now XzillaRation Pictures is releasing a film with the absurd title Groovy as Tits.  In the only scene meant to illustrate BDSM activity, an exchange occurs between the Top and the bottom that contains the most shocking and dangerous line of dialogue in the history of adult cinema. 

Background: Von Jelq, starring as the film’s protagonist, plays a bound male receiving the lash from a Dominatrix, a role acted out (with sadistic relish and glee) by Von Jelq’s offscreen love, Gemini Michalak.  Visibly hysterical as he struggles to get free and escape the blows she delivers to his thighs and genitals, he shrieks “That’s my safeword, baby!” in an attempt to make this whip-wielding, out-of-control maniac stop.

Her response is altogether chilling and betrays no understanding whatsoever of BDSM mores:

“I don’t give a fuck about your safeword!” 

As his wails and her intensity increase in tandem, she proceeds to lash him into a trembling, howling mess.

The studio’s own press release hints at the irresponsibility of including this scene.  To quote Von Jelq: "Those lines you hear her barking at me?  Not in the script.  All off the top of her head.  She channeled some deep shit, and I wasn’t acting when I screamed my nuts off.”

(Note to Von Jelq: You and Michalak may want to seek counseling, considering the ferocity and unmistakable bloodlust she exhibited while flaying your pathetic penis.)

BARF objects strenuously to this uninformed and wholly uncharacteristic depiction of a BDSM encounter.

• BDSM is not a spontaneous, “off the top of” the head activity! 
• Whips, floggers, paddles, other such implements, are not meant to be brandished by someone who is “channeling deep shit.” 
• Safewords exist for a reason!  Willfully ignoring them during the act of delivering corporal attention sends the wrong message to people interested in our way of life.

We demand that XzillaRation withdraw release of Groovy as Tits.  Furthermore, we insist that any and all future productions by this studio have a BARF observer on the set to advise all “BDSM” scenes featuring (but not limited to) bondage, hair pulling, flogging, ass-paddling, testicle stretching, fisting, nipple waxing, clit biting, urethra lapping, lashing, slapping, spitting, etc.

BDSM is a beautiful, loving activity WHEN conducted under a framework that is safe, sane and consensual (SSC).  This framework includes a safeword that is unhesitatingly respected when boundaries are exceeded.  When Gemini Michalak directs whiplashes to her partner's privates, it is not safe.  When Paul Von Jelq releases film of this recklessness, it is not sane.  And when one partner tells the other that she doesn't "give a fuck about your safeword," it most certainly is not consensual.

What XzillaRation dishes up is unsafe, insane, and nonconsensual.  It is not BDSM!  We at BARF can only hope the moviegoing public realizes this as well.

Really?  Hecuba Crumbly, all I can say is, you can suck my raw, throbbing, microbe-spewing dick!

And for the rest of you, here's the scene in question.  Brace yourselves: you are about to experience "the most shocking and dangerous line of dialogue in the history of adult cinema."