09 APRIL 2014: XzillaRation Pictures Ltd., home of “the best porn you’ve never seen,” in conjunction with Kawishiwi Entertainment, presents a new, feature-length drama. The film, Groovy as Tits, will premiere via the usual outlets within the next four weeks.
Industry insiders are calling Groovy as Tits XzillaRation’s most ambitious project to date. The film follows one man’s journey from an existence without joy wherein his bedmates chide him for masturbating and taunt him over the size of his penis. People around him, from all walks of life, are engaged in nonstop round-the-clock fuckery while he toils at his desk. It takes a physical breakdown and an unconventional prescription from a brilliant doctor to bring him round to a life that is, without question, “Groovy as Tits.”
Writer-director Paul Von Jelq also cited the strength of the cast. “Pert top to curvacious bottom, this is an assemblage of some of the best in the biz.”
He continued his assessment in detail:
“Jeremy Seasick and I take turns fucking two sizzling starlets, Evangeline Ashley and Caro, who play a couple of bawdy baristas who fuck the customers at their coffeeshop/gallery.
"Kari Taurog, a stunning brunette who’s making a return to the screen after a brief hiatus, plays a gas station attendant, and I had the pleasure of filling her up atop a convertible. She puts a whole new meaning to the term full service!
"Yolo Baby, an insatiable newcomer that I thought I might have to tranquilize to get off the set, is a nurse who fucks my doctor, Rush Bennett, every which way in a clinic. I mean, this bombshell was off the hook, and I know Rush loved every minute with her.”
It should come as no surprise to fans of the studio that Von Jelq’s muse, Gemini Michalak, has a turn as well, playing Venice, a high-priced and high-intensity stripper-slash-dominatrix. When we first see her she’s bouncing in the lap of XzillaRation first-timer D. Grey.
Things really heat up when she quite literally whips Von Jelq into shape. “I knew I was in for something remarkable when she pitched her script in the trash, calmly said, ‘Fuck this shit. Hand me the whip, roll the motherfucking cameras, and let me at that little bitch.’ She was, like, in another place. Those lines you hear her barking at me? Not in the script. All off the top of her head. She channeled some deep shit, and I wasn’t acting when I screamed my nuts off.” The result: erotic gold.
Michalak is also credited as the film’s principal photographer. “I’m lucky in that it’s easy for me to get lost in the fucking AND the filming,” she told interviewers as she nonchalantly accentuated her speech by waving a metallic studded strap on.
Audiences are treated to additional eye candy in a scene featuring Von Jelq on a beach surrounded by gorgeous, nude, women. “The Beach Bunnies!” he told reporters with a laugh. “Six of the most luscious women you are going to see in film this year. Hey, there might just have to be a sequel!”
In conjunction with the release of Groovy as Tits, XzillaRation plans on publicity events including star profiles on the studio’s blog. “At least check back for some droolworthy stills,” explained Michalak, who wore a beret and carried a lens and a light meter besides her strap on when she appeared alongside Von Jelq at the press event. “These pieces will release in the days and weeks leading up to the film’s premiere.”
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